When Someone Else's Energy Triggers You

Have you ever had someone say or do something that immediately changes your state?

Maybe they speak to you with aggression or spite and suddenly you feel yourself becoming defensive, angry, anxious or unsettled. Your body changes, your thoughts start racing and you're responding in a way you weren't a moment ago.

It's pretty easy to tell ourselves that we shouldn't take it personally, that we need to stay calm or that we should respond with kindness.

What is actually happening when someone else's behaviour affects us so strongly?

This is something I've become much more interested in through my own Qigong practice. Not because I never get triggered, but because I've become much more aware of what happens within me when I do.

It's Not All Yours

We're constantly responding to the people and environments around us. We pick things up. We react. We attune.

Not everything we experience is ours.

Someone else's anger, anxiety, defensiveness or agitation can influence our own state. We might feel it in the body, notice a shift in our emotions or suddenly find ourselves thinking and behaving differently.

That doesn't mean we have to take it on. This is where discernment comes in.

Can we notice what's happening in our own field without immediately identifying with it? Can we feel what's there without letting it run the show? Can we tell the difference between what belongs to us and what we're picking up from someone else?

I know this because I have my own pattern around it. When someone speaks to me in a way that feels unnecessarily aggressive or hostile, my instinct is to defend myself. I can feel the urge to push back, assert myself and, if I'm really activated, establish that I'm not someone to be messed with.

That's my stuff.

I've come to understand that this response is connected to my own history and to a part of me that wants to feel accepted, approved of and respected as an authority. Someone else might respond very differently. They might retreat, become passive or try to make themselves smaller.

We're all carrying our own patterns. The practice is noticing them.

This is where Qigong can be incredibly useful. When I'm activated, I don't need some elaborate practice. Sometimes the simplest things are the most effective: full-torso breathing, cleansing breaths, heart-sound toning or even a more yang expression of breath and sound that can come out sounding a little like a shriek or a roar.

The point isn't to suppress the reaction or force myself to become calm and agreeable. It's to shift the energy enough that I can come back to myself.

Because when I'm completely caught in my own activation, I don't have much capacity for discernment. I can't clearly see what's mine, what's theirs or what's actually happening in the interaction.

As I settle, I can perceive more. When I can perceive more, I have more choice in how I respond.

When Energy Contracts.

When we're triggered, there can be something happening on three levels.

At the level of Jing, we feel it physically. The body contracts, the breath changes and our vital energy shifts.

At the level of Qi, we experience the emotional and astral response. When a strong emotion arises, our astral energy contracts around the experience. We can feel this as anger, anxiety, defensiveness, agitation or that feeling of being pulled into what's happening.

And then there's Shen. When we're caught up in an emotional response, our perception becomes clouded. We become more identified with what's happening and lose any sense of clarity we had before we were triggered.

This is where the Three Treasures can be a useful way of understanding our experience. Being triggered isn't just one thing happening. Our body responds, our astral energy contracts and our perception changes.

The simple Qigong practices I've mentioned can help us shift that state. As the body settles and the energy starts to move again, we can create a little more space around what we're experiencing.

And when there is more space, we can perceive more clearly. That gives us an opportunity to notice what is actually happening rather than simply reacting to it.

Making Space to Perceive

Shen Gong practice is often quieter than what people might traditionally associate with Qigong. There is generally more stillness, more seated practice and more time spent simply noticing what's happening within us.

There's a reason for that. When we're constantly moving, doing and responding, it can be difficult to really get to know ourselves. Stillness gives us an opportunity to notice what is actually happening beneath all of that activity.

We can begin to notice our thoughts, emotions, tendencies and energetic patterns without immediately needing to do anything about them.

This is part of developing the skill of the Self. We make space to perceive.

The more familiar we become with our own experience, the easier it becomes to recognise what's happening when something or someone activates us.

Coming Back to Yourself

Over the years of practice, I've noticed that Qigong has changed what happens when I get triggered. I still get activated. I still have my patterns. But I recognise what's happening much sooner now, and I can come back to myself more quickly.

Sometimes that means using a simple Qigong practice. Sometimes I need something stronger. And sometimes I simply need to give myself enough space not to react straight away.

The difference isn't that I don't get affected by other people anymore. I do.

What has changed is my ability to notice what is happening. I can feel the urge to defend myself. I can notice when I want to push back or prove something. I can recognise when my astral energy has contracted and when I've become caught up in someone else's energy.

Sometimes what I'm feeling is mine. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's a bit of both.

This is where Qigong and Shen Gong have become so valuable to me. Qigong has helped me develop greater sensitivity to Qi and to the changes happening in my own field. Shen Gong takes that further, into the cultivation of Self and the development of discernment.

We're always going to be influenced by the people and environments around us. That's part of being human. The practice is learning to notice what's happening, work with the energy and come back to yourself.

If you're interested in exploring how Qigong can become a way of meeting ourselves and the world with greater clarity, I share new writing and reflections by email.